Cover image of "They Eat Puppies, Don't They?," a satirical novel about Pentagon cost overruns

His name is Walter “Bird” McIntyre. He is the leading Washington lobbyist for Groepping-Sprunt, a major arms contractor for the Pentagon. A Senate committee is meeting to consider a huge appropriation for his latest weapons system—an ocean-liner-sized drone aircraft armed with every manner of destructive weaponry known to the military-industrial complex. Testifying on the company’s behalf will not be easy. “On top of the ‘funding factor’ (Washington-speak for ‘appalling cost overruns’), Bird and Groepping-Sprunt are up against a bit of a ‘perception problem’ (Washington-speak for ‘reality’).” After embarrassing you with hours of pointed questions, does the committee approve the appropriation? No, it does not. And that, for all intents and purposes, is where this hilarious tale begins.

The two superpowers are equally stupid here

With Bird’s job now on the line and the company’s future in doubt because of the huge sums poured into R&D for the oversized drone, his boss forces him to raise the stakes. He must find a way to gin up widespread public hatred for China and thus scare Congress into springing for some other overpriced weapons system. Enter the members of the supporting cast:

  • Angel Templeton, a mashup of Ann Coulter and Mata Hari
  • Bird’s fetching young trophy wife, an equestrienne who is bankrupting him with her passion for thoroughbred horses
  • Bird’s feckless younger brother, Bewks, who wanders around Bird’s house in a Confederate general’s outfit, channeling George Armstrong Custer (sic!), ready for a reenactment of the battle of Gettysburg at a moment’s notice
  • Rogers P. Fancock, the Boston Brahmin who is reluctantly serving as National Security Advisor
  • And Chris Matthews of Hardball (yes, by name).

Those are the key characters on the U.S. side. A similarly comical collection of Chinese players—mostly the members of the Standing Committee of the Politburo of the Chinese Communist Party—rounds out the cast.

They Eat Puppies, Don’t They? by Christopher Buckley (2012) 345 pages ★★★★★

Photo of the RAH-66 Comanche helicopter, which cost billions but failed, a prime example of Pentagon cost overruns
The RAH-66 Comanche stealth attack helicopter, one of numerous Pentagon boondoggles that cost billions but failed. It cost $7 billion for its R&D and led to the production of only two prototypes at $3.5 billion each. But that project paled beside the absurd F-35 Joint Strike Fighter. The F-35 program is the most expensive weapons system in US history, with an estimated lifetime cost exceeding $2 trillion. And even before it was deployed, Chinese hackers stole the plans and implemented many of its most advanced features. Image: The National Interest

Satire of the highest order

In between the two sides is the 14th Dalai Lama (yes, the current guy). You’ll have to read the book to find out how he gets into the story. But there’s enough fun here without bringing in the heavy hitters. For example, “Fancock scowled at the top-secret cable from the U.S. ambassador in Beijing alerting him to the development that had been announced on CNN twenty minutes before.”

They Eat Puppies, Don’t They? is a satirical novel of the highest order. I found myself laughing hysterically, sometimes for pages at a time. But, like all superior satire, this book isn’t just funny—its droll treatment of politics in Washington and Beijing is spot-on accurate. And it makes me wonder what Buckley might make of the absurdist scene in Washington today. It’s hard to imagine that any satirical treatment of the Trump Administration could be any more ridiculous than the reality.

About the author

Photo of Christopher Buckley, author of this novel about Pentagon cost overruns
Christopher Buckley at a book signing in Austin, Texas, in 2012, the year this novel appeared. Image: Harry Cabluck-LBJ Library and Museum

Christopher Buckley (1952-) knows whereof he writes. He is the son of the late William F. Buckley, Jr. and held a number of positions in Washington, including a job as chief speechwriter for Vice President George H. W. Bush. (I will forgive him for all that.) They Eat Puppies, Don’t They? is Buckley’s ninth satirical novel. He wrote a total of 13 books, including two travelogues and a biographical portrayal of his parents, published over the years 1986 to 2022. And as he noted on YouTube not long ago, Buckley hasn’t published any new political satire since 2022 “due to his long-standing feeling that modern political reality has become too absurd to satirize effectively. He has often noted that simply recounting real political news often reads more unbelievably than fiction, making traditional satire challenging.” Thought so.

For another of Buckley’s hilarious satirical novels see Ever wondered where those UFOs come from? Christopher Buckley has the answer. In fact, you’ll find this and all the author’s other funny books reviewed at Christopher Buckley writes satirical novels that are very, very funny.

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